I woke up today with my body feeling as though it were being invaded with hot thorns throughout every vain. I am learning, even though this has been going on for some time now, this is the beginning of what is called a psoriatic arthritis flare. After I showered, trying to ease the feeling, the thorn feeling began to come at me from the outside on the surface of my skin. I’m not even mentioning the way my joints feel in my legs or neck. That is for another day.
As I sat there, I asked myself the question again; how and why I am to use this time in my life for God’s glory.
[side note: The reason I asked myself this question is because when I first started having these problems, someone said to me, why do you think all of this is happening? My first response was, I don’t know but God is not shocked, and I know that I am to look for ways to give Him the glory.]
I am so mad about all of this. Heck, I am still mad about things that happened on July 27, 2015. Why did Mackenzie have to die? So, am I even capable to use anything in my life for God’s glory? Does He want me to? Would it matter?
I began being consumed with the thought of roses and the thorns that are on a rose bush.
The first thought that came to my mind was the quote by Lincoln. I’m not sure if I can be thankful for the thorn bush yet. But, for today, I have done all I can do to at least focus on the fact that at least the thorn bush has roses. In addition, I have focused on what else the thorn bush does. It protects so many things, baby birds and other small things that otherwise would not make it. The rose is beautiful and shines when it can, but it is weak. Alone it is prone to disease and invasion, without the gardener who works with it diligently, pruning it and working in around the thorns to take care of the rose, the rose would die. It would be destroyed by the invasion of disease that love to consume the rose. The thorns would overtake the rose. In the big picture the thorns, no matter how painful they are, protect the rose. How are my thorns, aka psoriatic arthritis, fibromyalgia, and several other autoimmune syndromes that I have “protecting” me I do not know, but they have a purpose in my life currently. The gardener as He works through the thorns, to prune and care for the rose bush, He is in a sense caring not only for the rose, but for the thorn bush.
So, I want to enjoy and be happy for days that have roses outweigh the thorns. But I must remember my thorn bush is somehow a protection. Only the master gardener in His wisdom knows that. I can’t see His full plan, but I must remember to trust His heart. It’s not easy, not easy at all. But I have too. I must believe that even when it hurts the most, and when I feel as though I am the biggest burden and let down to my family, the Gardner is taking care of me and wanting me to wait until the roses bloom again.